one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
