I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
