u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
