I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
