Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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