if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
