New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
