she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
