Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
