You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
