Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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