I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
