JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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