My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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