no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
