my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
