i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
