Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
