I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
