i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
