and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
