Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
