hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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