My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think my vagina is haunted
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
