You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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