just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
