Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
