You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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