I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
