its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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