this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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