She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
