I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How drunk are you?
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