Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
