Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
