i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think my moral compass just broke
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