i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
