hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You are a genius and a whore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
