i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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