My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
