You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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