i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
