They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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