If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
