maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
