Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
