that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
