5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Houston, we have a blender
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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