my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
