He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
