am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
