Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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