What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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