His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
