I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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