Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
