girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is the high leading the old right now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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