I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
