I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize