i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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