morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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