I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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