there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
