So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize