I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize