This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
