Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
