the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think a kid would responsible me up
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
