Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
