Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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